Do you have to saying something to a colleague or employee about their awful fashion choices, the terrible quality of their work, their body odor, their smelly feet? This post will show you how to soften the impact of your words when giving negative feedback.
Let's look at an easy thing to criticize: handwriting
Situation: Kevin is a new employee and a recent university graduate. He's 23 years old and very nervous because it's only his first week in the company. Tomohiro works with Kevin and needs to read his notes to do his job, but Kevin's handwriting is terrible. Kevin has not done much handwriting since high school. He's used to using his smartphone or computer to write.
Tomohiro: Kevin! What the hell!?
Kevin: What's wrong, Tomohiro?
Tomohiro: How am I supposed to read this? It looks like you were drunk, damn it!
Kevin: I'm really sorry. I've always used my laptop or phone to write. I-
Tomohiro: Do you realize I spend an extra 30 minutes trying to read your damn writing!?
Kevin: You don't have to shout, Tomohiro. I'll try to write more neatly.
Tomohiro is right to feel annoyed, but he made two huge mistakes:
a) he got angry
b) he called Kevin names
Never lose your temper (get too angry). Anger just makes it more difficult to communicate with people. If you're calm, and use a level voice, the person you're talking to will be more open to what you're saying and will better understand the problem.
Name-calling (eg, idiot, jerk, etc) is unacceptable. Again, it doesn't help you or the person you're talking to, and it can lead to a more angry confrontation.
If an co-worker or employee is doing something that annoys you, or makes you uncomfortable but doesn't do it intentionally, you should follow The 8 Steps.
a) Use a friendly greeting to get the person's attention,
"How's it going, Kevin?", "Hello (Kevin)". "Good morning/afternoon, (Kevin)."
b) After greetings are exchanged, ask to to speak to her/him
"Can I talk to you for a minute?", "Do you have a minute to talk?", "I'd like to talk to you for minute."
c) Say something positive about the person,
"We all like your (enthusiasm)/(positive attitude)", "You're doing very well (with the new computer system/your training)", "We all like you and would like you to work here for a long time."
d) Show understanding,
"I know it's your first day/that you're trying your best/you're (nervous)", "We understand (this isyour first work experience/a hard job/)"...
e) get the person ready for bad news, "Here's the thing..."/ "However, here's the problem." "There's a situation we need to discuss."...
f) show sympathy, "...I hate to say this, "...This isn't easy for me to say", "...I don't like to criticize","I wish I didn't have to bring this up, but...", "This won't be easy for you to hear..."
g) State the problem POLITELY,
"but, your (handwriting) is unacceptable", "We're having trouble with (your handwriting), "There's been (a complaint about...)", "We've been told that..."
i) Offer solutions/Options,
"What you can do is...", "I'm going to help you with...", "Try to...", "Use...", "If you need help with...please feel free to talk to me.", "What we'll do is...", "I recommend that..."
You can change the order if you like; you can skip step "f" too, but you should have a sympathetic tone when you go to "g". You can make changes to the order as well. The important thing is to "soften the blow" when you deliver "the bad news" - make the person more relaxed, and ensure they understand your intention as well as your meaning.
Read the dialogue between Tomohiro and Kevin. This time Tomohiro uses the 8 steps.
Tomohiro: Good morning, Kevin. How's it going?
Kevin: Hi, Tomohiro. I'm doing okay, thanks.
Tomohiro: Can I speak with you for minute, Kevin?
Kevin: Sure. What's up?
Tomohiro: First, I like working with you, and I know you're nervous because you're new.I don't like to tell people how to do their jobs, but, here's the thing...your handwriting is impossible to read. I get that you're not used to writing by hand, but I can't read your notes.
Kevin: Oh, I'm sorry, Tomohiro. Yeah, I haven't done much handwriting since high school.
Tomohiro: I understand. What you can do is try some writing exercises. You can also print if cursive writing is too difficult. I don't care about style; the writing just has to be easy to read.
Kevin: Okay. Thanks, Tomohiro. I'll download some exercises now, and practice during lunch.
Tomohiro: Great. Let me know if you need any help.
Exercise
Read the passage below. Using the steps above, write a short statement you would use to give negative feedback. The key information you need will be in bold. This situation is far more difficult. Remember to follow the 8 steps above.
Nice Person, Bad Body Odor
Situation: You're the manager of a branch of a medium-sized company. A group of employees have just told you they have a problem with their new co-worker, Vivian. They tell you she has very bad body odor that they think is from a skin condition of some kind.
Vivian is young, only 22, but is well-liked by her co-workers. She has only been with the company for a few weeks. You didn't hire her, but you don't want to lose Vivian as she is very good at her job. Plus, you can't let her go (fire her) because of a medical condition. You go online and find a good skin doctor that could help Vivian.
Task: Write a short dialogue or paragraph informing Vivian of her co-workers' feedback; recommend the skin doctor. Remember to follow The 8 Steps. Note: you can't use the word "stink" (
Manager: Good morning, Vivian. How are you? .... Good...May I speak with you for a moment?
This is an extremely awkward situation.
There's no "nice" way to tell someone she/he smells bad. However, using these techniques can make the process less difficult, and will show that you did all you could to help your employee or co-worker.
Thank you very much for the positive comment and link. Much appreciated.
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